The one you can't live without
by charlibubble
Summary: "Don't Marry the one you can live with, Marry the one you can't live without" Hodges ponders Modges - post S14 E04 - Minor spoilers...I guess. Enjoy!


**A/N: Of COURSE I wrote something based on last nights episode. I defy anyone to not see what was going on there ;) I am however slightly worried about episode 6 in which we will apparently be 'revisiting' that question….hmmm. Anywho, this is just a little Hodges pondering Modges drabble I wrote by hand while sitting on hold to Thomson Holidays for what would have felt like forever had I not been Modges inspired to the hilt! Enjoy! Review! Share the love! Modges forever! ****  
Charli xx**

_"Don't Marry the one you can live with. Marry the one you can't live without"_

Hodges sunk back in his chair with a heavy heart. He glanced around the restaurant filled with happy couples soaking in the romance, Elisabetta's Italian ice slowly melted in the delicate crystal dish it lay in. He found it to be rather symbolic; watching the ice disappear much like she had a short time ago.

It had been inevitable really; he should have known that Elisabetta was not for him. She lacked the spark, the understanding and the passion for science he possessed bit it still left an emptiness in his heart to know he had let love slip through his fingers again.

He had mourned the loss of Wendy for a long time, swearing he would never love anyone like he had her. A part of him was convinced he still held a candle for her, albeit one with a small and rapidly diminishing flame.

Morgan had been right though, marriage was not something to take lightly and it wouldn't have been fair of him to take Elisabetta's dreams from her. He had never imagined he would be the type of person to rush into something like that but Elisabetta somehow made him feel more valued and more alive than he had in years.

Yet, when he asked Morgan if he was making a huge mistake he already knew the answer. And so did she.

Morgan had been nothing but supportive of him and his decisions no matter how ridiculous and misguided they appeared to be. If he had to open his heart and be truly honest about the person he couldn't live without then he would find her at the centre. Or maybe that was another misguided attempt at avoiding hitting middle age as another single male statistic.

He liked the thought of being able to settle down. The illusion of a wife and family was something he had been sure he craved but he wasn't sure it was something he was capable of creating. Based on his previous romantic endeavours he would have been foolish not to have sworn off romance for good. It seemed like the best solution for all involved. He could settle down to a life of monk-like solitude playing online poker and drinking expensive wine from his personal collection and Morgan would be free to find and marry a handsome, successful, young man with the prospects and stamina she deserved.

She did deserve it. Hodges was certain that Morgan deserved the best of everything; she deserved someone who could make her smile every day, who could hold her tight and who could tentatively nourish that beautiful soul of hers to blossom.

It was frustrating, to say the least, that his heart would not listen to that logic.

While Morgan's words had been heartfelt and true he had found himself more preoccupied with the fact that whenever he pictured walking down the aisle to his bride the woman under the veil was not an Italian beauty named Elisabetta. The woman was Morgan.

At first he had been more than capable of ignoring the niggling voice inside himself that told him their relationship was becoming more than a friendship. He had been able to actively supress the guilt he felt whenever he found himself thinking about her after work or smiling at his cell when she texted him. Elisabetta had seen it coming of course, and he was glad that he had finally been man enough to give her the opportunity to walk away. He did love her, it may not have been the kind of love he had wanted to give her but it was love and he didn't want to see her hurt. The tears she shed as a result of his decisions genuinely hurt his heart and he hoped she could be happy. In years from now he hoped she could look back on their time together with fondness instead of sadness because they had changed each other's lives.

A fleeting romance brought life back to an otherwise idling heart. Hodges was sure this was true, his Italian affair had opened him up to possibilities he had not known were out there. He had experienced new things, danced in the rain and made love at sunset. He had tasted grapes off the vine and learned a whole new language. She had awakened the part of his soul concerned with living; a part that he would admit had been lying redundant for a long time. So why did he wish he was doing all these things with someone else instead?

It was a ridiculous infatuation that he had been trying to curb, unsuccessfully, for months now. He would openly admit that she was his best friend. In fact she was the closest he had ever come to finding a soul mate but muddying that with romance was a terrifying prospect. His fear lay not in the very real possibility of rejection but rather in the possibility he would not mean as much to her as she did to him. What would happen to their perfectly balanced relationship should their romance not work out? He seemed to let every woman he claimed to love down so what would make Morgan any different? Again he asked the question when he already knew the answer:

He couldn't live without her.


End file.
